How Things Are Now
by Twiggytwig
Summary: Rin is now older and has developed feelings for Sesshomaru. Rin is confused and her only wish is for her Lord to love once more. Despite his constant efforts to leave her in villages and ignore her, she still tries to ease her way back into his life.
1. My explanation

I have grown older now,

I have matured.

I'm no longer your sweet little girl.

I noticed the change;

You noticed it more.

Why do you distance yourself from me?

Is it because I'm no longer easily controlled?

Does it scare you that I'm now a woman?

Tell me!

Oh please I need to know!

With each year that passes,

You drift away more.

Pretty please don't,

I love you.

I remember when I could look him straight in the eyes (Oh, how those golden eyes melt my heart). I was young back then but my personality has never changed. I'm still the sweet, bubbly, and adventurous girl I was when I was 8. I still never know when to shut my mouth and I still try to catch fish with my bare hands by the riverbank. I still have that same gap-toothed smile I did before and I still run around barefoot. I'm not the one who changed, he is.

I remember when he dropped me off at that village. That was the first time it had happened. It was after Naraku had been finally destroyed. Sesshomaru thought that I should try to live with humans again; that it would be good for me to live with my own kind for once. I was of course defiant at first. I didn't want to leave the only one in the world I trusted to go back to some village. I was never fully understood by people; always cast out as a strange little girl. There was no arguing with Sesshomaru though, he sent me to live with the old woman Kaede. I won't lie and say that I didn't enjoy my time there; everyone was genuinely nice and happy there. Sesshomaru would stop by and give me gifts and in the beginning I would beg for him to allow me to join him once more. In time though I eventually loved the village and the people within it and as I grew older I even began to have feelings for a few of the boys that lived there. A few years had passed when I began to miss Sesshomaru. His visits became less and less frequent. I even remember a time where I hadn't seen him for nearly a year. One day he came with a beautiful, silky kimono for me and I ran and hugged him. His body was stiff and unresponsive but my arms only held him tighter because of it. I began to cry quite loudly as I repeated: "Oh Lord Sesshomaru I missed you!" He never spoke or tried to comfort me but instead just stood there emotionless. After what seemed like an eternity of shedding tears he finally pulled me away from him and calmly asked if I'd like to join him once more. I was 14 at the time and now that I think back on it, maybe he thought I was finally old enough to make my decision. I shrieked with joy and exclaimed "Yes!" who knows how many times. That day I left all my old belongings, didn't say goodbye to anyone, and followed my Lord off into the woods. I didn't care all that I was leaving behind; I just wanted to be near Sesshomaru again.

After that he had tried to drop me off at different villages during different times of my life. After the 1st time, the longest I had ever stayed in a village was 6 months before I began to act out and force Sesshomaru to come get me. I never wanted to leave his side, not again. Only now whenever he dropped me off at a new village, it seemed as if he was doing it for his own convenience instead of for my sake. He seemed significantly colder each time he had to take me into his care again. He would never talk to me or even look at me. I sometimes think that maybe it was because he sensed a change in me deep down inside.

Yes, I have changed in more obvious physical ways. I'm now 19 and I've gotten taller, curvier, and I'm now a woman. I guess that's enough to freak out any man, maybe even Sesshomaru. But there's something even worse going on with me than that. Ever since the age of 15 I have viewed my Lord differently than before. I began to notice little things about him: The way he combed his hair with his fingers, how defined his muscles were, how his eyes seemed to pierce my very soul. I began to get nervous around him. I couldn't put a sentence together when talking to him or walk next to him without being clumsy and tripping. I wouldn't allow him to be near and guard me while I bathed. I blush even thinking about it. I got the strangest feeling in my stomach whenever I managed to touch him and my heart beat fast when he spoke. It was what the people in all the different villages described as love. I loved Sesshomaru. I know he knows it and he hates me for it.


	2. False hope

**Sorry it had taken me so long to update (a week...), I was on vacati****on. Well here is chapter 2 of this story. As for the whole poem thing, I decided to not irritate myself with that idea. I shall try to update every other day. I am also working on another story about Rin so that will be updated on the days that this is not.**** I apologize for any grammar mistakes/bad writing... Anyways I hope you enjoy chapter 2!**** Reviews are appreciated :D**

"Rin, why do you still insist on traveling with Lord Sesshomaru and me? By this age you should be married and have ten children!" Jaken yelled at me. The short little demon had struck quite a tender nerve. I gave him a good punch to his skinny arm accompanied by an icy glare. We barely ever talked now and the few words occasionally exchanged between us weren't nice ones. Of course we always fought in the past but there was always a bond shared between us. Now it seems that bond has withered away just as mine with Sesshomaru had.

"Shut up Jaken! I am not interested in marrying any human or having kids with one! I will stay with Lord Sesshomaru forever until the day I die!" I said with crossed arms. I used to say that with such confidence but in recent months I believed that less and less. Jaken rolled his eyes and tugged at Ah-Un's reigns. I pet the dragon as it trotted by and it seemed delighted from my touch. At least I knew he would love me unconditionally.

I followed slowly behind Jaken and wondered when Sesshomaru would return. It had been at least a week since I had seen him. I had always been curious about where he went off to for so long. I would wake up in the morning and he would be gone without a single word to me or Jaken. I missed him each time he left, it didn't matter that he never spoke to me; just seeing him walk gracefully in front of me and his beautiful, silky hair fall down his back so perfectly was enough for me to want to never leave him.

It's no wonder he knows I love him. Each day I watch him with my lustful eyes. How I used to blush when he caught me staring at his perfect face. At night I would sit and dream of us being together and being married. My face absolutely glowed from the thought of it happening one day. I used to pick him flowers everyday and lean against his arm, hoping that he'd take the hint and take me as his wife. That obviously never happened. I laughed to myself about how stupid I must have seemed: A poor village child trying to romance a great demon lord. Sounds like the stuff of fairy tales.

"Oh Me Lord you've come back!" Jaken exclaimed as he and Ah-Un ran toward Sesshomaru. I froze and looked at Sesshomaru's expressionless face nod to the two demons before him. He began to walk in my direction and my heart beat quickened. Was he going to hug me, to hold me? I stared at him wide-eyed and smiling like a fool. He wasn't looking at me though; he wasn't acknowledging my presence at all. He walked right past me and my smile quickly disappeared as I realized that I just happened to be in his walking path. Jaken passed by me with a smirk on his green, bumpy face. I shoved him to the ground and began to walk behind Sesshomaru.

"Hello Lord Sesshomaru, did you have a good trip?" I asked in my same cheerful voice. He grunted at my question and from that I knew that it was the end of our conversation. I sighed and looked at my bare feet. I was tired and wanted to rest before we continued our seemingly endless journey to nowhere. Jaken was babbling on about how an ungrateful and rude child I was. It was mere background noise to me. My attention was focused on my 'human issues', as Jaken liked to call them.

"Jaken, do us all a favor and silence yourself." Sesshomaru ordered with his usual calm yet threatening tone. I snapped out of my thoughts of food and water as my stomach did flips and a million questions about my Lord raced through my mind. Was he defending me? Are things returning to normal finally? Does this mean he truly does care? I smiled to myself and decided that ignorance was bliss.

Jaken was quiet for the rest of our walk until we reached a small stream. I rushed over to it and cupped my hands to collect the cool water for my dry mouth. I felt amazing; Sesshomaru had stood up for me (possibly). I gasped at all the fish darting around in the stream and my stomach began to rumble. I tied up my kimono and jumped in the water, scaring all the fish away. I giggled loudly as fish slipped through my fingers and I was splashed by their dives back in the water. I turned to look at Sesshomaru, sitting against a tree meditating. Jaken was grooming Ah-Un and most likely grumbling to himself about why he even bothers.

I decided to instead collect fruit from a nearby bush instead of continuing my attempt to catch fish. Kaede had taught me about poisonous berries and edible ones. I knew exactly which ones to pick for my empty stomach. After collecting a sufficient amount of berries, I ran to Sesshomaru and sat right next to him. Maybe I was acting too confident for the time, but what if he hated me again tomorrow? I couldn't take the chance; I had to win him back over today while he found me tolerable.

"Hello Lord Sesshomaru, Jaken and I had missed you!" I beamed. I began eating berries and waited for his response. Even in the past when I was younger, he never talked much. I would just continue to talk at him with him occasionally nodding his head and making sounds of agreement. "It seems like I haven't spoken to you in forever! Did you defeat any strong demons while you were gone?" I continued to talk and ask him questions that he never answered.

"Rin, why are you bothering me with such pointless chatter?" Sesshomaru interrupted with harsh words. I felt my face get hot with an embarrassment and my eyes involuntarily began to produce tears. My mouth could, for once, find nothing to say. I knew there was no right response to give him, it wasn't an actual question but instead a nicer version of what he told Jaken. He hadn't been defending me earlier; he was just irritated by the sound of Jaken's whiny voice, as he was with mine. With that realization, I stood up and walked away from him. I walked off into the nearby woods to escape the sight of the heartless demon and his followers. I didn't want anyone to see how emotionally weak I was as I cried. Sesshomaru would still probably smell the salty tears as they roll down my flushed cheeks but I felt better knowing that Jaken wouldn't see me so vulnerable.

I knew it was a dumb to walk off into these demon infested woods alone but some strange part of me wanted to get attacked. To see if Sesshomaru would save me like he always used to and if he didn't, maybe he would feel horrible about hating me after I got injured or even died. I laughed at my stupid logic and continued down the natural trail that was created from years of animals traveling through the woods. I just didn't understand why Sesshomaru couldn't just accept me as his wife, if not that then why not just a faithful companion as he used to? He had gone out of his way to revive me twice and I can't even count how many times he had saved my life. He used to protect me and make sure I was comfortable and happy. Isn't that what a husband does for a wife anyways? Sure he would probably never kiss me or think of me in a sexual way, but I doubt he would feel that way about anyone. I would be the closest to a wife he would ever have, so why couldn't he see that?


	3. Alone

I stopped walking and took in my surroundings for the first time since I had begun my random journey. It was midday and the sun stood high in the sky. The tree branches swayed gently in the warm breeze; sounds of birds and insect calls filled the air. I had been walking for a while and I wasn't sure where I was or which direction I came from. I had a feeling of anxiousness from being lost in unfamiliar woods but I pushed aside the feeling. I was no longer a scared and dependent little girl. I had gradually become tougher over the years; the less he showed he cared, the more I felt I needed to prove myself to him. Maybe Sesshomaru thought I was still a kid, that my love for him was nothing more than a child's crush. By demon standards I suppose I was nothing more than an infant age wise. I rolled my eyes and leaned against a tall tree. I was worrying myself to death over what Sesshomaru thought of me, he would probably laugh at my pathetic behavior. I was probably over thinking it all as I often did. My thoughts were interrupted by a whiny voice addressing me.

"Rin, what do you think you're doing? You leave without two words to anyone?" Jaken yelled. I groaned loudly and crossed my arms.

"Why would I need your permission to do anything? I'm a grown woman." I defiantly answered. I already knew that once we walked back the little toad would tattle on me to Sesshomaru. I wasn't worried, throughout the years this has happened and Sesshomaru couldn't care less about the little squabbles Jaken and I got into. I stepped towards him and swiftly stole his staff from is tiny, green hands. "I can take care of myself."

"Give me my staff back you stupid little girl!" Jaken screamed as he struggled to reach it. I was much taller than him now and I just giggled at his attempts. I knew I was being mean but I felt as if I never had any power hanging around two demons; occasionally bullying Jaken was the only time I felt in charge. Now that he had called me a little girl though, anger spread throughout my body.

"What did I just say? I said I'm a woman not a little girl! You and Sesshomaru never listen to me!" I whacked the toad on the head and stormed off. I ignored Jaken's insults from behind me but then I heard him yell something that caught my attention: 'Run!'

The trees began to shake violently and I turned to see Jaken cowering on the ground. I heard a low, strange noise echo throughout the forest. I began to sweat as my stomach dropped. I ran towards Jaken to try and drag him along with me, when a massive tail slammed down in my path. I then sprinted in the other direction only to be cut off by the other end of the demon. It was a snake demon and its head bobbed from side to side, though its brilliant, red eyes were locked on me. I was frozen in its gaze; I could not move or scream. I prayed for Sesshomaru to smell my fear, to sense something was wrong with me like he used to. The snake struck at me, I broke out of my hypnotized state and tried to block it with my arm. Its fangs sunk into it and I cried in pain and I fell to my knees. I was going to die; I was at the mercy of this starving demon that had no conscience. I felt myself slipping away; I was passing out from terror or the poison this demon might have delivered me, either way I was losing myself. My hero didn't come in time, my savior didn't bother to save me, who I loved didn't care enough to protect me.

The serpent was hovering over my limp body when everything went black.


	4. Saved

**I am so sorry. I am a horrible person for never updating. Don't worry, I have not forgotten about this. Updates will hopefully come once a week from now on.**

My eyes snapped open, I shrieked, and I began to hit whatever was in front of me. Two strong hands pinned me down to the ground. My vision was blurred and my breathing was heavy.

"Rin!" A deep, stern voice said. I wasn't dead? Where was I? There was no serpent around and as my sight cleared up I saw Sesshomaru over me. My body tensed as I sucked in my breath. He released my arms and stood up. "Are you alright?" He asked as he looked down on me. I sat up and inspected my arm which was bandaged. My kimono was bloody and was covered in dirt. I then scanned the room that I was in, it was unfamiliar but beautiful. Elegant paintings hung from the wall and ornate furniture decorated the space.

"Have you become mute again?" Sesshomaru asked, clearly annoyed at his ignored question. I snapped out of my state of awe and confusion.

"I feel fine, I'm sorry Lord Sesshomaru; Th-thank you so much." I glanced up at him. I tried to stand up but my legs began to shake and I started to fall. Sesshomaru caught me; our faces too close for a blush not to creep up my face. His stare was hard and it was difficult to tell if he was aggravated or if he was just simply expressionless.

"You are still weak from the demon's poison." He stated. I nodded my head and avoided his gaze. He then sat me down on the floor where I once was. I wanted to ask what happened, if Jaken was okay, and where we were, but I was afraid his irritation would grow. "When your strength returns wash yourself." Sesshomaru said as he walked out of the room. I was so lost. Sesshomaru must have saved me after I fainted. I was so thankful and happy but at the same time, I noticed there wasn't the same relieved look on his face that he always had after saving me; his expression was bored. It was like this was a game he was tired of playing. I laid myself down on the floor and my eyes suddenly felt heavy. I closed them and tried to just relax; I told myself I figure it all out when I woke up. Waves of fatigue crashed over me and finally, I fell asleep.

* * *

><p>My eyes blinked open as I heard my name being called. For once, Jaken's shrill, whiny voice relieved me. He wasn't hurt and still just as annoying. I felt better than I did a few hours ago and I tried to get up. This time I was successful as I put much of my weight on a chest to my right.<p>

"Jaken, you are unharmed! That serpent would have killed us both had it not been for…" My voice trailed off and there was an uncomfortable pause. "Where are we?" I asked, breaking the silence.

"We are in one of Sesshomaru's many estates." Jaken said. I was never told of such a place. Was that really such a surprise? I sighed.

"What happened after I was attacked?" I saw annoyance flash on his green face.

"You stupid girl, Lord Sesshomaru came and gave me the beating of my life! He blamed it all on me and then went off here, leaving me behind! I had to make it all this way by myself!" Jaken shrieked. I huffed and tried to swing at him but only came crashing to the ground. Jaken yelped and tried to help me up.

"Don't call me stupid you toad." I muttered as slowly stood up. "Lord Sesshomaru told me to clean myself up. Where is the nearest spring?" Jaken paused and frowned.

"The nearest spring is quite close but Lord Sesshomaru will not let you go out alone." Jaken said flatly. All the blood rushed to my face.

"And what are you suggesting? That you go and watch me bathe? You pervert toad!" I cringed at the thought. "I will go alone!"

"Do not flatter yourself. I enjoy the company of women, not little girls." Jaken scoffed. I groaned and began to leave the room.

"Jaken, if you would like to be helpful for once, could you please direct me to the springs?" I calmly asked. I needed to keep my composure. Only children threw tantrums and yelled.

"What did I say before? You are not to go out alone! Unless you want Lord Sesshomaru to look after you while you bathe, you aren't going!" Jaken gave me an evil smirk. Jaken, the bastard! My eyes went wide and I shushed him. Lord Sesshomaru had excellent hearing. To even suggest that Sesshomaru should be there while I bathe was completely insane!

"I'll just go look for the springs myself than!" I hobbled out of the room with Jaken close behind trying to stop me. I tried kicking him and he, in return, tried tripping me. I reached the door and forcefully opened it with Jaken grabbing on to my right leg. We both fell silent and motionless as the opened door revealed Sesshomaru. Sesshomaru was dressed in a purple kimono and without his usual armor; I had never seen him dressed in such a casual manner. Jaken quickly ran to his feet to beg for forgiveness. He was promptly kicked in the side and the dog demon's glare shifted to my frightened face.

"I see you are back to full health." He said with an annoyed tone. I nodded my head and stood up.

"Lord Sesshomaru, I am so sorry for this. I only wished to bathe and Jaken would not allow me. May I?" I bit my lip as he continued to hold my gaze.

"If you wish." He then turned and after a few steps, gestured me to follow. I quickly caught up to him, but not before making a face at Jaken who lay on the floor, frowning.

The spring was beautiful and only after viewing it did I realize that it had been too long since my last bath. I thanked Sesshomaru as he began to walk away.

I took off my filthy kimono and slowly accepted the spring's warm embrace. It was soothing and it calmed my nerves. I washed my raggedy hair as I wondered why Sesshomaru even kept me around. If he hated me, than why bother to take care of me? He seems to hate Jaken, but if danger comes, he is usually saved. Ever since I visited human villages, I began to think that we might be Sesshomaru's pets or belongings. Were we just objects to him or did it truly matter to him whether or not we died? Jaken told me that I nearly made Sesshomaru cry when I passed away for a second time. I found it hard to believe but I always hoped it was true.

I went to the bank to get my clothes when I looked off into the trees and to my horror, saw Sesshomaru sitting on a branch. He was not looking at me, but off to the left somewhere. I quickly grabbed my clothes and sunk back into the water. My face grew hot from embarrassment instead of the temperature in the hot spring. I quickly washed my kimono and then traveled to the opposite bank of the spring to change behind a bush. Sesshomaru might have seen me before I realized he was there. No, of course he saw me! I crouched behind the bush, ashamed and afraid to leave it. My breath was short and questions raced through my cloudy mind. What was he even doing there? What did he think of me? Was this a good or bad thing? I peeked from the bush and strained to see the tree where he once sat. It appeared to be empty now. Had he noticed my embarrassment and left? I shut my eyes tight then shook my head in denial. I might have just imagined it all. My mind was not working properly and there were always the possible side effects of the serpent's poison. I gathered up my courage to walk back inside.

"Rin, hurry up you fool!" Jaken cried. I was surprised to see him leaving the house and walking towards me.

"What is going on?" I asked with a likely blush on my face. Jaken scowled and rolled his large eyes.

"Lord Sesshomaru has sent me out on an errand. I need to fetch supplies for you. Ah, humans and their ridiculous needs." Jaken spat.

"I do not need anything. You should tell him that." I did not want to be alone with Sesshomaru. I would have no one to talk to, no fun, and everything would be uncomfortable. I attempted to convince Jaken to get out of his duty, but he refused. I felt like I had to throw up.

"I will be back in a day or so. Do not anger Sesshomaru!" Jaken yelled as he left the grounds. I stood there, not knowing what to do.


	5. Cold

My feet were frozen in place and I felt beads of sweat accumulate on my forehead. I forced my legs to move. I slid open a door and Sesshomaru sat on the floor, drinking tea calmly. He motioned me to sit across from him. My fear began to dissipate but the frustration stayed. I knew what was going on now. This has happened before. My heart dropped and I felt my eyes begin to sting.

"Rin, you do not belong here." He stated, looking as calm as ever. "It is again time for you to live amongst your people." I almost lost it at those words. I hated hearing them when I was 10, when I was 15, when I was 16 and all the other times. I still hated them just as much.

"But Lord Sesshomaru, I do not want to!" The argument was one that I would never win. All I could do was stay at the village for a few months than beg to be taken away from it, or get kicked out. It was such a stupid pattern! I wanted to scream at the heartless demon that sat in front of me. Did he have emotions? Could he even comprehend the rejection that I feel every time he does something like this? He angered me and made me hate myself! I clenched my fists and bit my lip.

"Do not argue with me." He acted as if he had only spent minutes deciding this. I didn't know why I cared for someone who could give a damn whether I was happy or heartbroken. Throughout the years I told myself that everything would come together, that I would be his wife someday. I hoped he would accept me for what I was. I should have realized that his ridiculous amount of pride would make it impossible for him to ever love anyone. He would love only himself. Even if he was not guilty of vanity, a great demon lord would never marry a human child. That was what I was after all. No matter how much I wanted to change myself or deny it, I was a little child. My whole life was just a few hours in his and my weaknesses that came naturally to all humans, he could never understand. So, again, why did he even bother to keep me? To save me time after time?

"Do you understand?" I snapped out of my thoughts. There must have been a few minutes of silence while I screamed in my head. I did not respond to Sesshomaru's question. I could not. How could someone supposedly care about another, but then simply toss them away without a second thought? I hated him. I hated him because he could and would never love me. I felt the anger, sadness, and disappointment bubble over. "You will be leaving after Jaken returns. I have found a pleasant village to place you in."

If he was just going to cast me aside again, I should at least get an answer.

I needed to ask him.

Not all of my questions, but at least one.

"Do you care about me?" I, for the first time in a long while, looked Sesshomaru in the eyes. He put down his tea and returned the stare. He would never let his guard down or let anyone but him be dominant in a conversation.

"Rin, do not ask such ridiculous things."

"Am I simply a pet?" I was pushing it. Sesshomaru's eyes flickered with what seemed like anger.

"You are a bold child." He stood up. I jumped to my feet as well. Sesshomaru then turned his back to me and began to open the door. On impulse, I grabbed his sleeve. He stopped abruptly and I felt his body tense.

"Please, do not do this. Lord Sesshomaru, you know how I feel." I said, still grasping his sleeve. He slid the door completely open.

"Out." He ordered me. I was not an animal. I let go of his sleeve and walked in the direction he told me. I turned to face him. My heart was racing and my palms were sweaty. I had never been so disrespectful. I had never acted so insane. My breath was caught in my throat. Sesshomaru simply looked straight forward, waiting for me to leave his presence.

I felt numb as I began to balance on my toes.

"Please." I whispered. My hands slowly reached his neck and his silky hair tickled my arms. My stomach was in knots, it was home to many butterflies, and it flipped. My heart was going to burst. I hesitantly brought my face close to his and gently placed my lips on his. They were soft but not accepting. I tried being more assertive and deepened the kiss. My arms wrapped around his neck tighter. His lips remained still, just as his body did. I risked it all hoping that it would change his mind about me. I was wrong.

No response was worse than a bad one. I did not fight back the tears that formed in my eyes as I tried foolishly to get a reaction out of the stone man. Finally, I released him from my embrace. I studied his face for some kind of sign. He offered none but instead continued to look where he was previously, off into the distance.

"You truly are a heartless man." I muttered as I ran off to the room I was first brought to.

It was time to give up.


	6. Goodbye

I did not sleep the whole night. I had no more tears to cry and my head felt heavy. When I heard the door slide open, I shut my eyes tight and tried my best to pretend to sleep.

I felt his hand touch my shoulder and gently shake me. I tried to be perfectly still in a passive protest but he soon propped me up.

"Rin, it is time to leave." I could clearly imagine his face even though my eyes were still shut. "This is childish, I know you are awake." I could imagine how right about now his jaw would tighten and his eyebrows would twitch. This man has made me insane.

Sesshomaru picked me up and began to leave the room. He was no longer gentle with me and threw me over his shoulder rather roughly. I wouldn't let him know it hurt though.

My eyes were closed throughout the whole ordeal because I didn't trust myself. I knew that if I opened my eyes through the trip, that I would memorize the path back to his estate. I would find a way back from the village and return to him. I couldn't promise myself that I wouldn't do that. So, when I felt the air get colder and the wind intensify, I knew Sesshomaru was in the sky. . Sesshomaru held me in place by holding my kimono. The wind made my hair whip my face and I felt goose bumps spread on my skin. He was taking me off to this odd village and I would never return to him.

He landed and dropped me. I fell to the ground with a thud and only then did I open my eyes. I groaned in pain and looked up at the demon standing over me. He had a glare that could run my blood cold. We were in the middle of the forest and I wondered if he was simply going to kill me here.

"Rin, the village is not far from here. You will enter and not speak of me or any other demons. You will not return to me." Sesshomaru's voice never changed. He could be talking about flowers or killing hundreds of men in battle and there would be no difference. I suppose that is the way things are when you do not have emotions. He pointed me in a direction and began to walk off.

"I hate you." I said. It was not a yell nor was it a whisper. It was at a normal tone and my parting words for him. I saw him stop in his tracks and I couldn't help but have a smile creep up on my face. I had some power over him. He had not expected me to be so blunt and rude. I had no more words for him and I walked towards the village.

"Who are you?" A young child asked. He was with a few other children and there was a concerned mother nearby.

"My name is Rin, I am a traveler." I smiled at the children and went through the motions that I had grown to know so well. I would soon be questioned about my origin, my intentions, and if I was a human.

I am a human.

When I was younger, I never wanted to hear people say that a human could never be with a demon. I wouldn't believe it. Inuyasha's parents must have been the exception. They successfully did what Sesshomaru and I were unable to.

I will always miss him. How could I not when I lived most of my life with him? His memory will fade though. I will move on. I needed to be free from Sesshomaru's grasp because I was not myself with him. I did not laugh or smile. I felt myself growing cold just like him. I know I only have myself to blame for returning to him repeatedly, but he also knew. He knew what he was doing to me and did little to stop it.

I am now free, though. It does not feel good right now, but it will soon. I will learn to love again.

**Press next to get to the new chapter. is not showing Chapter 7 but it should show up if you click next.**


	7. His explanation

You have grown older now,

You have matured.

You are no longer my sweet little girl.

You noticed the change;

I noticed it more.

I know you ask:

Why does he distance himself from me?

Is it because I'm no longer easily controlled?

Does it scare him that I'm now a woman?

I know you want me to tell you.

You feel as if you need to know.

With each year that passes,

I drift away more.

It is only for the best.

You love me.

She does not understand why I do these things. She believes it is because I hate her.

No, that is not why.

She wants us to be together. What a ridiculous dream.

I could break her so easily.

Rin, she is a fragile flower and what am I? I am ruthless. I have tasted the blood of thousands of pathetic men and demons. She does not realize the monster that I am.

I know that she could never be happy being alongside me.

She is full of so much passion, so much emotion. I could never fulfill her desires and needs. She would be an empty shell after too long. She would whither like a flower without sunlight if she was tied to me.

I watched her blossom. She was so young and soon, she was a woman. Humans grow so fast.

What was once admiration and gratitude from her turned into longing. Her eyes lingered on me for a second too long, her voice would shake when she spoke to me, and her heart would beat at an alarming pace at the slightest of touches.

I, at first panicked when this happened. Human emotions are such peculiar things and I wondered if the girl was ill or if she began to fear me. It was not until her conversations with Jaken always were on the subject of love did I understand things fully.

Rin would always ask about the mutt's parents and how they were together. She would ask about demon and human relationships. The girl would never stop with talk of love, marriage, and children. Jaken would tease her about her feelings toward me. They were hard to comprehend to me.

I wanted to give her an escape from me. I placed her in many pleasant villages but she always found her way back to me. It made no sense. Why was this poor child so attached to me? I treated her with respect and kindness in the past, but never had I showed any deep affection towards her.

Rin was a beautiful creature. Humans are disgusting animals, but Rin did not belong with them. She was graceful but untamed at the same time. She could talk for hours and had energy that never seemed to have an end. I would watch her sometimes out of curiosity. I had never been with a human for such a long period of time, especially not one as unique as her. She would pick flowers and run in the fields without a care. She was so blissfully unaware that a predator was watching her. I could hunt her down and rip her to shreds in just a few seconds. I would never do that, though. She meant too much to me for some unexplainable reason. Rin was just an orphan that I had tested the Tenseiga on. I will never fully know why I grew to enjoy her company so much, why I went through so many obstacles to save her. I nearly lost myself when I thought I could not bring her back when we went through hell. It was such an odd and horrible emotion that I had not felt since the death of my father. I felt out of control, nothing was right. My head was pounding, my heart was beating, and I my eyes stung in a bizarre fashion. I don't know what I would have done if my mother did not save her.

When Rin asked if I cared about her that night, I felt frustrated. I purposely ignored her and closed her off for all these years. I wanted her to give up. I wanted her to go to a safe, human village and live her life. I cared about her, as much as it pains me to say it. I had never cared for something so deeply. I suppose it is my blood to do so.

When she was so bold as to kiss me, I did not know what to do. Her lips were the softest I had felt. She was so innocent. She did not need to be here, with me. I am a monster. She needed to be free from me. I almost breathed a sigh of relief when she ran off to her room that night.

The next day, I was angry at myself and her for even letting things get as far as they did when I brought her to the village. I was rough to make her never want to return. The rejection she felt was enough to keep her away though. I never let my feelings effect me. Rin is the only creature capable of making me lose control of myself. So, when she told me that she hated me, I could not move. Her voice was serious and her heart beat calmly. There was no scent of fear or sweat. I was shocked by her words and the passion that she put into them.

I heard the leaves crunch as she left.

I stood there with my mind, for once, blank. I was not prepared for the feeling of guilt. I did not know I could feel such a thing. Damn the girl for causing such things to happen to me.

She is safe now.

Safe from me.

I hope that she lives a happy life and spreads her good nature to others. She will most likely settle down with a man who is not worthy of her as a lover and they will have children who are not worthy of her as a mother.

All of this is better than a life with a heartless demon, though.

I wish her the best.

**Well this is the end of "How Things Are Now"**

**I hope you all enjoyed it. I am sorry for all of you who expected some fluff and sexy fun time but I feel as if much of that stuff is a bit OOC.  
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**I shall tell you though... There is going to be a glorious se****quel. Yes, it just doesn't feel right to leave you guys hanging like this. It will be set a few years later and focus on Rin's life but don't worry, Sesshomaru will pop up once more.**

**Again, I really hope you enjoyed this story and all. This is the first story I've actually finished haha... (yeah I have a problem with doing that).** **Thank you for sticking with this though all the long periods of no updating and grammar failures. **

**Be looking out for the seq****uel which will be much, much longer (the chapters always seem longer when you write them...).  
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**Please, review/favorite/follow me!**


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